Words and Links

Children’s fears are real to them. Do not discount them. A reasonable approach to such anxiety-producing situations as monsters in the dark or thunder and lightning sets a good example and helps diminish the power of these fears. Explaining the realities of the situation will help your child overcome those fears. You should never laugh at a child’s fears or imply that he is silly or crazy to be afraid. Avoid belittling the fear as a means of alleviating it, even though your child’s fears may seem absurd to you. To deal with such situations effectively you must first accept the reality of your child’s fear, and then help him understand not to be afraid. Poking fun at or making a joke of the fear will simply intensify it.

If, for example, your daughter thinks there is a bogeyman in the closet or a giant spider under the bed, the reasonable approach would be to turn on the lights and investigate with her. Expose the reality of the fear without belittling the child or discounting the potency of the fear. Never, even in jest, suggest that the child is crazy. Your child’s self-image reflects how he feels you perceive him. A child who is told he is crazy or unbalanced may begin to believe it.

If you model fear to your child, he will generally learn to feel fear in the same situations. If you are afraid of bugs or heights, your child  will pick up on this. Children with severe phobias almost always have parents with severe phobias. In the case of a less severe fear, as with bugs, you should be aware that you can engender more severe fears in your child through your own inappropriate behavior. If you make a big deal of a spider, your child may believe he should have a strong fear of spiders. Such fears are not cute, and there is no reason to overreact unnecessarily to insignificant things.